“Get ready for bed!”

I yell up the stairs after my kids who were screaming and running and flinging around in the upstairs hallway, after I told them to get ready for bed.

The screams of fun and delight almost make me want to let them fling and play for a few more minutes, they won’t be this little forever,  I think, with tenderness in my heart.

But then, I remember how little I actually appreciate excessive noise in the forms of shrill shrieks and stomping on the floor above, making the chandelier shake and shudder.

“We ARE ready, mom!” they yell back.

Sighing, I return to the bottom of the stairs and see flashes of mostly naked bodies streaking back and forth about the hallway trying to keep away from each other.

“SCHREEEEEECH!”

“How can you be ready for bed if your pajamas aren’t on!?” I ask, exasperated, but already knowing the answer.

At this, my 6 year old stops and looks down at me from the landing and declares once again, “I only wear underwear to bed!” I was hoping the answer had somehow changed, I guess.

I mean really, I don’t know why this annoys me so much!

Except for the fact that I have spent money on pajamas that they refuse to wear!

The pajamas that I think they will love the most- the ones with Minnie Mouse that have cute little ruffles around the bottom, or Ninja Turtle matching top and bottoms that look so cool- are almost inevitably the ones that they hate the most!

“You love Ninja Turtles!” I plead, “I bought these for you!” I say…all to no avail.

“They’re scratchy,” “they’re hot!” They say while extracting the pajamas from their bodies and throwing them on the floor like the toy they were done playing with last night. *Sighs loudly*

When I was pregnant with these sweet children, I would sit and dream about them snuggling around the bed for story time in their warm fuzzy PJ’s that I had so loving picked out for them. In my dream, the PJs weren’t dirty, or encrusted with old food or covered in fabric balls, and my children were so happy to have their warm PJs and they sat still and listened to the story that was being read before snuggling into their cozy beds.

Then I wake up…and my kids are still screaming and running naked and I realized that I probably picked up this expectation about having kids from some TV show, Full House perhaps? Or maybe a Target commercial showing beautiful thick-haired siblings who all look like their gorgeous parents snuggling in bed like they love each other, in their nice fuzzy PJs? Very Likely.

I mean think about it…

how much money are these companies making off of this ridiculous notion of having a whole separate set of clothing simply for bedtime!

Not only are we parents pressured to provide our kids a daytime wardrobe, but we are expected to spend good money on nighttime clothes as well!

Well I’d like my money back, because my kids act nothing like the children that were promised to me with that commercial’s underhanded advertising! I mean, after presenting them with the brand new pajamas my kids don’t even care about them the way those commercial kids do.

On the rare occasion that I do get my kids to wear the pajamas, they are usually annoyed and trying to peel them off; there is no smiling and giggling like the kids in the commercial!

I want. My money. Back.

In a realistic, and non money mongering world, all the companies would just admit that their product is a useless waste of money (at least for most kids over the age of 2 or 3- because after this, no one can tell them what they should wear, and they develop this thought that they should have the right to deny clothing mostly because their mom wants them to wear it).

All the companies should just admit that their product is no better than underwear, or an old ratty t-shirt that is so worn and dirty that soap and water can’t even beg it to come clean!

It’s funny how these companies promote a product that is ideal, and sell it to parents, all without telling them that their child will want noting to do with it. Lovely.

Meanwhile in the other room… “STOP IT!!!, GIVE IT BACK!!! NOOOOOOO!!! MOOOOOOOM!!!!!”

Of course all of this is happening while my children are still mostly naked except for underwear which likely have questionable looking stains on them.

“Lets read a book!” I say, hoping that this will squash the noise level and the running and flinging of random body parts.

It doesn’t.

The energized bedtime fiasco now turns its focus towards finding a book, fighting over which book to pick, fighting over which child gets to bring said book to me in the other room, and then once they have all finally sat down (not my 6 year old though because sitting quietly equals death to him, and even if it didn’t he would prefer to be in constant motion, rocking, and flailing, and flopping in all directions), the complaints start.

“Ewwww! Get your naked butt off my foot!” or “I’m cold” (pulls giant blanket off back of couch effectively dragging it across all the other kids’ heads making each one annoyed).

To this I would like to say, both to my kids, and to all the kids out there who hate pajamas, and to all the parents who have pleaded and begged and put their dreams of picture perfect, cute pajama wearing children on the shelf…

*while looking at all the parents with a sarcastic smirk*

“You’re cold? You don’t like someone else’s underwear’d butt touching you?”

“If only you had some pajamas!”

P.S. Hold your head high, dear exasperated parents! You fought a valiant fight but this child enemy is too strong and energetic for logic and cute pajamas. 

*throws pajamas in donation bin*