Decoding The Yell- How to Stop Yelling At Your Kids
If you are a mom, like myself, who grew up in a household where yelling was a common way of communication, then you likely have carried this bad habit on to your own family.
Even if you didn’t grow up with parents who yelled, you may find yourself yelling at your own kids more than you would like to. Yelling, like any bad habit can be developed under the right circumstances.
Raising kids is not an easy job, and it’s often stressful enough to induce a calm parent to want to yell from time to time.
Kids are often bad listeners, prone to being loud and wild, and sometimes make the simplest tasks in complicated messes. All of this makes me want to raise my voice and yell to just make them understand.
The problem with yelling though, is that it isn’t an effective form of discipline, and at worst, it’s harmful to your kids (not to mention your relationship with them).
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Decoding The Yell- What makes you want to yell at your kids?
Some people are just naturally more amped up and some are naturally more calm. These genetic differences, along with a whole host of other life factors can predispose us as moms to yelling at our kids. Here is a list of common things that cause moms to yell. Pick out one, or five of the things that hits home for you:
- You grew up in a yelling household and yelling has become a habit
- You get anxious, frustrated and overwhelmed easily
- You are tired or hungry
- You Are worried, upset, or stressed about something
- You are not taking care of yourself
Determining the reason why you are prone to yelling is so important, otherwise you can try and try to change, but get nowhere. You must get to the root of the problem in order to stop yelling at your kids for good.
1. Yelling At Your Kids Has Become a Habit For You
This is often the case if you grew up with parents who yelled when they were upset. I won’t lie, this is a hard one to break.
Sometimes I notice that I raise my voice and seem angry, even when I really am not! If this is you also, you just need some intentional behavioral changes to start moving in the right direction.
It always helps me to think about what my kids must feel when I yell at them. I try to put myself in their shoes in order to get it through to my brain that even if I don’t mean much by it, my yelling doesn’t convey love to them.
I love the book, Parenting With Love and Logic– because it explains that yelling at your kid is not the same as giving a consequence, and that to parent effectively, you really have to give consequences without getting your emotion into the mix.
This really helped me because for me, yelling comes from my emotions of feeling frustrated, unheard, disrespected, etc.
Fixes to try:
- Instead of yelling from across the room, squat down to their level when you talk to them (this will give you a physical reminder that you only need to speak calmly).
- Put reminders in place to remind you not to yell- Check out my post on the one thing that fixes my bad motherhood mood regularly.
- Put encouraging signs around your house that inspire peace * FREE Printable Here*
- Practice responding calmly to various situations
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2. You Get Anxious, Frustrated and Overwhelmed Easily
Often when we start to get mentally overwhelmed, our fuse becomes short and yelling usually isn’t far behind the next thing that goes wrong- not matter how small it is.
The world moves fast, and mothers are expected to multi-task like pros. But the truth is, your brain was only meant to handle so much information at a time.
One thing that I notice about myself is that I tend to be impatient, and want things that I don’t like to change, like yesterday! Reminding myself to slow down and just enjoy life usually helps me to feel more confident and calm throughout my day.
Fixes to try:
3. You Are Tired Or Hungry
Being tired or hungry is a recipe for some good ole’ fashion yelling brawls in my house. When our most basic needs are not met, we tend to get cranky.
Fixes to try:
- Try meal planning with some awesome ideas from the Busy Budgeter.
- Buy in bulk so you always have food on hand at home
- Making pre-made snack baggies of healthy snacks that you and the kids can grab easily
- Get the kids to bed at a set time each night
- Make sure you are getting enough sleep each night
- Check out 85 Best Slow Cooker Recipes to never scramble for dinner again
4. You Are Worried, Upset, Or Stressed About Life
This is a common problem that everyone seems to carry. As a mom, you feel super responsible for the health, well being, and safety of your kids. Not only that, but you also feel a semi-selfish tug between giving to your kids constantly, and taking care of yourself.
All of these things can pull you in different directions and create underlying stress.
With the recent pandemic of 2020 affecting us all, nothing seems easy right now, including raising and supporting a family.
While some of us are born with more natural optimism in our DNA than others, you can absolutely train your brain to think more positively. Learning to do this will help you to stress less, and effectively push worry out of your mind.
Fixes To Try:
- Slow down and enjoy life
- Journal your worries
- Give yourself grace
- Vent to friends you trust to give you good advice
- If you haven’t already, sign up for my totally free e-course on becoming a calmer mom and crushing anxiety below.
5. You are not taking care of yourself
The nature of motherhood is that we are programed to take care of our children before ourselves. But combine this will endless expectations and stresses, and suddenly we realize that taking care of ourselves as moms should be at the top of the list of priorities.
You certainly can not rescue others if your own boat is sinking. And you can not love your kids well if you are not taking care of your self and your mental health.
Of course there are times when the kid’s needs just need to come first.
*Check out my personal story- A Hilariously Real Day In The Life Of A Stay At Home Mom*
When you can, take time out for yourself. Heck, SCHEDULE time for yourself! You will be so much less likely to yell, and more likely to handle all the day’s problems with calm if you take care of your needs first.
Fixes To Try:
- Schedule time for yourself to relax of delve deeper into a hobby you love
- Learn why it’s important to wake up before your kids to plan your day and accomplish what you have on your agenda
- Give priority to your relationship with your husband
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